| favorite movies of the 2007 1-15! |
[07 Jan 2008|01:06am] |
1. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Yet another amazing biopic from Julian Schnabel, the director of Basquiat and Before Night Falls. This movie moved me to tears and tought be to be patient, much like the woman hired to help write the main character's autobiography. Its one of the most original pieces of cinema since Children of Men (my pick for number 1 last year) and this year will commemorate the year that Schnabel tookover PT Anderson's old position as my favorite american director.
2. The Savages
This is simply the best character drama of the year. Laura Linney and Phillip Seymour Hoffman are devine as two siblings taking care of their father as he is dying. They have to come to terms with their abusive childhood and decide if they want to treat their father on his way out the same way he treated them on their way in. Did I mention its a comedy? Its shot and edited with a hopeful flair that makes you smile even if the subject matter is sometimes serious.
3. No Country for Old Men
Best structure/cinematography of the year... and the most evil/best character in recent movie history. I love this movie because it put me on the edge of my seat and made me feel like I had been to the world inhabited by these characters at the end... one that is stark and lonely and oddly beautiful.
4. Across the Universe
I love musicals! I love the life and history that shines through this movie. I love Julie Taymour's innovative sets and choreography and how the Beatles songs worked in the story. I also love evan rachel wood's face for some reason unknown to me. I think she's beautiful.
5. Sweeney Todd
A bleak, dark, musical that is beautiful to behold. Depp does a great job with the songs, which of course are written by stephen sondheim. This gets at the musical theatre nerd in me. I love the way that musicals can tug at your heart strings in ways that normal narratives don't.
6. Into the Wild
The romantic story of a young man who takes off to explore american without a dime in his pocket. I wish i were as brave. The movie is a beautiful ode to America and its vast and diverse landscape. Emile Hershe could win the oscar, though I have my heart set on Depp. He did amazingly with the material and made you care for and romanticize his journey.
7. Juno
Everyone loves this movie... including me. Yes it is just a wonderful story with great dialogue and great characters and great performances. Best romance of the year (sorry Atonement).
8. Paris, Je'taime
This movie is so damn cute. But apart from that it is a great study of form. It puts 16ish great directors from around the world up next to each other so you can see the diversity of style. Someone just said "make a movie about love in Paris," and they each did their own interpretation and its a marvel to see how well it all played out.
9. Darjeeling Limited
I don't care what anybody says, this movie was beautiful and touching. The shots of India are amazing, the music is used with style, the story is heartfelt. It made me want to get lost in a foreign country and make new discoveries, but not in a cheesey way. Wes Anderson has also passed PT anderson this year for me.
10. Hairspray-Enchanted-Ratatouille
Each of these deserve their own number, of course, but pretensious film conesuier in me wouldn't allow myself to take up three spots. Each is sort of a family film, each is a Hollywood blockbuster, but each is also funny, delightful and touching. These are the sort of movies that Hollywood still does greatly... they give a "wholesome" aduience some hope and avoid the negative, often bleak plot turns of "art house" films. Each of these films makes me giddy!
Now for the "honorable" mentions, which is really just an extention of the top ten list...
11. Once
A different kind of musical set in ireland--its low budget but the music and performances are larger than any hollywood action film. A very touching ending makes this the perfect film!
12. Lars and the Real Girl
A great story about hope and love amongst a community, when one is in danger of being lost to his own depression, told in a very original way.
13. Atonement
A beautiful, haunting, "love story" that is really more about regret than romance. There are amazing scenes in this film, including a long shot that is on par with the ones in Children of Men.
14. Control
A small biopic about Ian Curtis that is way better than other tries at depicting a rock star. The lead actor is brilliant as Curtis and the movie is exceedingly big for its budget and quite memorable.
15. There Will be Blood
Yes, PT Anderson, I'm sorry but you have let me down. Maybe I was expecting too much, but I miss your stylized ensemble dramas. This movie was just too dark and bleak for me right now, although it is very well done. Maybe later it will move its way closer to the top of the list, but I'm starting to believe that its easy to make a film devoid of hope and much more rewarding to make one that pushes hope on people (see number 10s)
So that's that. I have to remind you that I haven't seen a few of the films that people are raving about like Michael Clayton, Persopolis, Starting out in the Evening, etc and I did see American Gangster, but its not going on my list. Also... I saw I'm Not There, which should be in the 10-15 range, but I feel like I need to see it again because when I saw the free screening I was in the front row and couldn't really concentrate.
Also I know that I've only seen maybe 5% of the movies released in the USA this year... so this is a very selective list.
Also I am not a professional film critic... this was just for fun ;)
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| new york part one... day one! |
[07 Jan 2008|01:06am] |
Now that I finally have a chance to write about the things I've been doing lately... I will. School ended fast. Most of my classes were done the week before finals, which is against school policy, but the teachers didn't seem to care. So I ducked out of chicago early, subleased my apartment on w. Pratt, and took off to New York City with Will. We flew JetBlue, which offers TVs in every chair (something new and exciting for me, a longtime Southwest flier. The plane ride was only an hour and 22 minutes from Chicago. As we were landing and coming down through the clouds I saw my first glimpse of the ocean and one of the islands that I didn't recognize, but on the other side of the plane was Manhattan, long and short with the Empire State building sticking out of the middle.
We landed at JFK and took the Air tram to the subway station in Queens. From there everything I witnessed was underground. Interesting what you can tell about a place from underneath the soil. The trains that run to Queens have grease stains and graffiti on their widows. By the time were under the East river and reached 7th st. the entire sociology of the train had changed from blue collar workers and Puerto Rican home-boys to suits and chic party crew all of which had to change trains at 42nd st. to get to their destinations. By now I was really anxious to see something of city above ground. We had to change trains at Times Square to get to 106th st. and Central Park West, where our hostel was. We finally got there and emerged from the under-city and I saw my first glimpse of New York, the place I had dreams about at least once a week and had been idealizing since I knew basic geography and a little bit about our culture. My sight of this was street lamp on a cold snowy street lining the world's most famous park. It was dark and foggy, and all I could make out were a few brown stones and some huge jetting rocks sticking straight up out of Central Park. It was eerie... here I was in a new city. I had no idea where I was, if it was a safe part of town, what surprises were around any corner. At 5pm in the winter, its difficult to tell what intentions a city block holds. I was nervous, but in the following days came to befriend and understand the Upper West Side, and all of those fears went away.
We checked into the hostel, there was a small closet-like room with two beds on wheels that we pushed together in order to sleep side by side, but kept rolling away from one another. We fought for a bit, having been jet lagged and frustrated from the flying, but eventually we decided to make the most of the night, and we headed back out to the subway that we rode in on and took it back to Times Square. TALK ABOUT A BURST OF LIGHT and life! Coming up out of the subway you can't see much, just the radiating brightness of millions of watts of light bulbs blaring out advertisements for a hit broadway show or an exciting new show on NBC. Then you turn around and you see it: a 30 foot tall M&M dressed as the statue of liberty on a sight bright enough to turn night into day right next to an ad of gum that uses the Bethesda fountain in the snow as its spokeswoman. Then there's the biggest McDonalds you'll ever see next to a Toys R Us with a ferris wheel inside. On top of a building is the infamous ball that is used every year to count down the new year. Its the center of commerce and consumption, and its glorious for its vibrance, but sad for what it stands for. Still you can't help but love it.
There are signs for all of the broadway shows (yes, real broadway) sticking up between the bright lights. Not only is this the center for consumption, but also where all of the theaters are. Immediately I state looking for the theaters we'll be going to the next two nights: the ones showing Les Mis and Spring Awakening. I see Les Mis almost right away next to a billboard for a car. Street venders are everywhere, filling the square with the smell of hot dogs. We see a lot, and then we think we see the empire state building, but its too dark too see it, especially with all that light in your face. It turns out to be 30 Rockafeller Center, which is just as good for us. We gawk at the giant Christmas tree that hovers over the ice skating rink and through the lit up angels with horns there is a snow flake light show on the side of a skyscraper. We see an old church (st. somebody's) and go inside. There are hundreds of latinos praying in front of flowers while even more hundreds of tourists swarm around them. Are we selfishly invading their memorial for lost life? Or is this some kind of christmas tradition? We're not sure, so we make our way out, and walk some more, stop for coffee, see Bryant Park and the New York Public Library, and continue to Union Square where some Jews ask us if we're Jewish because he has Hanukah gifts for all of the Jews, I say "no," but with him a happy Hanukah.
We continue walking, see the New York Film Academy and that famous building that is really thin on one end and widens and it reaches the back. More people, trash on the street, graffiti. Washington Square Park is only three blocks away. We trudge up there and see the famous archway and spacious streets of the west village. Here is a jungle of five star restaurants. We're offered weed five times in Washington square park, and then never again for the whole trip (it would have come in handy for Eraserhead at the IFC center). We finally eat at McDonalds and call it a night.
BUT, its not really a night, because Will's friend comes to visit him at our hostel and he takes us to this hole in the wall bar around the corner of 106th street and something and we drink five beers until 3 in the morning, talking about a lot of things and I'm drunk and there are cockroaches on the wall and rats in the street and when I see one I scream very high pitched and girly, even though rats don't frighten me... just the element of surprise. We're outside of the bar while Martin smokes a cigarette and I'm buzzed and I realize I'M IN NEW YORK. I'M STANDING IN FRONT OF THE NORTHWEST END OF CENTRAL PARK AND I'M FACING WEST AND PAST ALL OF THE BROWNSTONES OWNED BY HONEST JEWS AND THE HUDSON RIVER I CAN SEE NEW JERSEY. The island isn't very wide, and I can see great distances, all the way to another state, even. All I can do is wonder, as I do every time I visit somewhere new, is how it all happened, how it came to be and how it is so different from everything I had known until right then. But especially how it all came to be without me, and then here I am, just a visiter, and I'm part of it now and forever.
because this is so long I better wait to write more... this is park one... maybe i'll cliff notes the rest of the trip.
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| new york state of mind |
[16 Dec 2007|12:21am] |
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i'm in new york, and the only reason i want to leave is so that i can plan on coming back. i've had a great time, done everything i've ever wanted to do in manhattan, and think i would like to live here one day. more on that later.
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| the office |
[07 Dec 2007|12:19pm] |
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Last night was the rerun of the Office where Pam has her art gallery exhibition and she gets treated by Oscar's boyfriend, but when Michael shows up after being treated by Ryan's business class and he is so astounded by her drawings and he buys the one of the office building. And he says "We have to have it for the office, this is our building... and we sell paper" and just the pride in his voice for his job, not necessarily paper, but that he loves the people there and he puts his all into, makes me cry every time I see it. And of course once Pam hugs him because she had such a shitty day and his innocent naivety makes her happy I can barely even see. I love that show so much.
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| Bravo |
[07 Dec 2007|12:17pm] |
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Watching Bravo makes me wish I had my own Tim Gunn to change my life one outfit at a time.
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| new york or death |
[14 Nov 2007|04:45pm] |
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Next week I'll either be in New York City or at a funeral. I really really really hope its New York. My stepfather's father is dying of cancer, and as much as I want to be there for him and my mother, I don't want to face more death.
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| SADJOURNAL |
[19 Oct 2007|12:36pm] |
I just checked my friends post and EVERYONE is so sad, and that makes me feel bad for yous guys. It seems that the number one thing making people sad are relationships. Its a shame that beeing wanted has so much to do with self esteem. Anyway, please everyone don't be depressed. If you need to take a vacation or get out of town, DO IT. Start over somewhere, if you can, make big plans, but don't be so so sad, please.
joe
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| "i sing america" |
[06 Sep 2007|11:10pm] |
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flight of the conchords |
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I went to this free show in Millenium Park today that was put on by Steppenwolf called "I Sing America." It was just a few of the troop members (including John Mahoney of Frasier fame) reading poems by famous Americans (Walt Whitman, Gwendolyn Brooks, Lanston Hughes, Mya Angelou, Allen Ginsberg, etc) intercut with songs about America, hope, immigration, race, diversity, etc sung by the Chicago Children's Choir. It was beautiful, most of the time I had to choke back tears... but I think of all the beauty in the world: this life is so beautiful and this country is great. We're about to have the sixth anniversary of september 11th and every year the importance of country and a need for patriotism becomes more clear to me (no I'm not turning into a conservative, its just that this is the only country i've ever lived in, the only place i have to call home, and dammit if it isn't wonderful sometimes). So the beauty of country and life can be a very touching subject sometimes. One of the quotes from Mya Angelou "lift up your faces to the day which has broken for you..." broken for you! Each day is a gift, life is a miracle, it really is... that we are all here and healthy and able to love each other is indespensable. Watching those kids sing just drove home the fact that we have so much going for us in this country... that these kids of a generation after me, which people have told us is even more messed up than my generation can get together and sing and create beauty in the world... I think we're going to be ok.
Futhermore, I'm happy and its bizzare. I feel that I have so much to be thankful for, and really all I do is study, eat, and go to class. Yet I haven't felt sad in weeks. Must be this idea of the future... I'm going to be a college grad soon and I just can't wait to see what happens next.
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| the west goes on though i'm not there... strange to think about |
[16 Aug 2007|11:35pm] |
It is possible to yearn for a time that happened before you were born, and grieve for the loss of a place that you have never been before. I just returned from San Francisco yesterday—a 15 day journey that started in Seattle and made its way through Washington, Oregon, and northern California ended in the most hauntingly beautiful and beautifully tragic place I’ve ever been. There was this looming tragedy that was so thickly in the air that I could hardly concentrate on anything except this communion with time and thousands of souls of people who had passed away. I’m not into the supernatural, but I’ve never felt so close to something that wasn’t living or visible as I did in San Francisco. I think the fog is the perfect symbol—the way it blankets the city around 7 in the evening bringing with it this chill that doesn’t let up until about noon the next day. The beautiful architecture, the Spanish influenced churches, the hills of two story pastel colored houses, the golden gate bridge (the entry way to America), the parks that are lined with palm trees and redwoods. I could see and feel the beauty just as much as I could see and feel the dead. The original pioneers—the Spanish sailing through the bay, the architects of the glorious bridges, but especially, if only because it is one of my most secret fears and largest lamentable facts of life, the souls of people with AIDS. Maybe because I’m gay and it affects me very strangely, this thing that had killed so many gay men especially in the bay area, but I felt as though I could see the youth and beauty of the deceased on every young man's face in the city. These people were once the vibrant, alive, and hopeful men that now walk the street. It’s just that now, because we were born later, we can prevent it and they couldn’t—it literally came from nowhere and there wasn’t anything anyone could do to stop it. It’s a horrendous and horrible fact—the type of thing that makes you stop and think “that actually happened, but how could it have happened?” Imagine going to Austria or Germany and no feeling that souls of the millions of slaughtered Jews, its just something you can’t not think about when you're there. That was San Francisco for me. At some points I could put that aside and enjoy the city for its many current and living perks such as North Beach and the Beat poets history there and also the Haight/Ashbury hippie neighborhood (where we stayed). The Golden Gate is phenomenal… so incredibly huge and such a great symbol of a great and diverse country. Alcatraz is neat to see from the bay looking so unassuming and calm from the bay but was home to many of the world’s most evil villains including Al Capone (another man who flew from Chicago To San Francisco ) and I’d imagine Bealatrix LeStrange would be there too if she were real.
I’m sort of going backwards. We drove from Portland to San Fran in a rental car—a silver Monte Carlo with GPS, which was fun and super helpful. We visited Redwood National Forrest and I had my first sight of the Pacific Ocean (well second if you could flying out of L.A. but I don’t because that was from the air)—it was glorious… the fog coming over the trees warned us that we were close and then we were driving on a street high above it next to a cliff looking down into its great body of treacherous water. We rounded a few curves as the rocks parted and the sea opened up in front of us. Louis and I both gasped at the hugeness and beauty of it. We swam in the Pacific in our clothes even though it was an unbearable cold temperature. The sand was a dark blue color. We saw some amazing towering redwoods in the park. The 13 hour journey was one of the most memorable days of the trip.
Portland was just alright… it was nice to see Val! but the city itself sort of put me off… there were homeless people everywhere who were pretty abusive and I saw some guy punch a girl in the face. I thought the city was kind of ugly—maybe just because I had just spent a week in Seattle. We were only in Portland for two days.
Seattle was fantastic! At the moment I think I would choose to live there if I had to choose between it and San Francisco—though I would definitely live in san Fran… but like I said… looming tragedy. Anyway, Seattle is brimming with life and creativity and really really nice people! We stayed with Amanda and her roommates who were very sweet (everyone we stayed with on the trip went above and beyond their expectations). We went to some very awesome parks (each one just about every day) including Kerry Park which has the best view of the space needle, and gasworks, which is great for picnics and watching planes land in the bay. Went night swimming in a lake with a perfect view of the stars, watched the blue angels fly for about four days straight, took a ferry to Bainbridge Island and had some beers with the locals at a harbor bar and then went to the outdoor movie to watch Back to the Future under the stars and beautiful pine trees. Watched Flight of the Conchords with David, Julie, and everyone, visited Capitol Hill and saw the gutterpunks, drug addicts, and all the young white homeless (very strange coming from Chicago) camping out on the street). Pike Street Market was a scene to behold watching the butchers toss fish around. Coffee is EVERYWHERE in Seattle, on every cornor (kind of like bars in Chicago) and the food is fantastic everywhere. I had the cheapest and best sushi of my life. Seattle seems so far back now, but I have to say I miss it the most and plan to return very soon! Perhaps right after I graduate in may?
So many more things happened. Nothing; no picture or cluster of words can describe this journey… it was absolutely perfect. It made me think when I needed to and relax and gasp and be in aw of America.
Now I’m in Nashville until Sunday so the journey isn’t over yet! Though it’s 103 degrees here, so we’re mostly staying in.
Aw, then there’s Chicago. Sitting down watching My Boys in Sara’s living room in San Francisco made me realize that I miss it and it is one incredibly great city and I’m lucky to live there. It is, well, home and even though I’m gung ho about moving some day… it won’t be quite as easy as it sounds. There were times in both Seattle and San Francisco where I thought “ok, I can live here” and then other times where I thought “ah, but its not quite Chicago.” Chicago will always be… kind of the place where I became an adult. Its sort of an easy place to live with cheap rent, laid back people, and a Midwestern feel which is comfortable to me. Anyway… we’ll see how I feel when I get back!
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| leaving the midwest for the first time in four years! |
[27 Jul 2007|02:13pm] |
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yes finally i'm going to see a little more of this planet than chicago/indiana. Here's my itinerary:
August 1st: leaving chicago via midway to Seattle, WA! Staying with Amanda Troyer for six days. Louis is meeting me out there on the 3rd.
August 7th: train ride to Portland, OR to stay with Val for four days.
August 11th: rent-a-car to San Francisco for four days to stay with sara.
August 15th: plane from Oakland, CA to Nashville, TN to visit my dad and stepmom.
August 19th: plane to New York to see Will for a few days (or) just going back to Chicago to look for a place to stay for the fall semester of my senior year of college! things are happening so fast.
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| st. jerry |
[04 Jul 2007|03:00am] |
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My favorite relative died yesterday, Jerry Hunyurger, a saint, a martyr for a pointless cause: cancer. She was my grandmother, she carried nine children, raised seven of them who in total produced 12 grandchildren. She was the only child of marie richard who is celebrating her 96th birday next month and joe richard who died about six years ago and whose name i bare. She was the most loving, patient, and beautiful person i've ever known besides maybe my own mother. I will never forget her laugh, the way she would always say "hey sweetheart," or the fact that she gave me the teddy bear that i sleep with every night when I was 2 which has become my most prized possession and will now carry tremendous sentimental value. The last time I saw her she was bald and had a tube in her nose and i tried to kiss her but it got in the way and I felt awkward because i'm clumsy, but she said "try to write" but I didn't find the time and it all happened so quickly that I never did respond to her letter, which I keep as a bookmark and cling to now while I sleep.
long pause...
I will never hear that laugh again.
it makes me sadder still to look at everyone I love and realize that they all must die sometime. I look at my mom and realize how hard it would be for her if she outlived me. I'm going to try to stay alive as long as possible so that I don't have to worry so much about her.
M.O.B.F. = mothers of big families. she used to tell me that she was going to M.O.B.F. meetings.
i can't even... begin to know how to finish this. i just keep writing. it hurts so much.
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| love and death |
[10 Jun 2007|01:18am] |
We are all blessed. because we're alive. Four people that I know are now dead or dying quickly and there's nothing anyone can do about it except learn that 95% of what really seems to matter doesn't really matter at all. and the other 5% should matter 100%.
I'm happy that carly lives with me now. I spend a lot of time by myself in this city; on trains, walking, buses, going to school or taking pictures or in the dark room. Then I go to work and hang out with terrific people or come home and feel so relieved to see my reason for why people matter when Addie's bike is tied up out in from of the apartment and her and Carly are drunk on sangria dancing to Bob Marely in the living room. I want to read or watch "breaking the waves" but instead i soak up the time I have with them because it brings me joy. Or when Will and I are together and he shows me things he knows about the world or shares his knowledge of Europe and Japan and places I've never been... and share with him my stories of growing up in Indiana. And he wants to integrate me into his life and take me to Miami to meet his friends and introduce me to strange music and literature that I've never experienced before. It's nice to have someone to talk to at all times, who is readily available and interesting and makes you feel like your brain has a purpose and isn't being wasted making coffee. Anyway: spend too much time alone and people can seem so alien to you. If you have some good ones in your life, it makes you realize that they are very important.
That's also why at this moment I feel like I'm living--because I'm taking chances and stepping outside of my comfort zone. And I think about how quickly it can all be taken away. Lance was hit by the brownline on his way home from work... who could have seen that coming? Or there's the slower certainty of death with cancer (my grandmother is now getting food sucked out from his nostril because she has a tumor on her bowels). Overdoses, heart attacks... everything. We're so fragil. I don't want to be scared anymore. Because if you are and you're caught unaware at your death, then you've really wasted your life.
I'm going to Indiana tomorrow for a day to see my grandma. I bought three of my favorite films tonight: Angels in America, Basquiat, and Hannah and Her Sisters. Suprisingly I relate to Woody Allen more than any other celebrity right now: hypochondriac existenstialist who is somewhat self centered and neurotic.
I'm going to watch "breaking the waves" now. Lars Von Trier is an amazing filmmaker.
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| it doesn't have to be a... |
[13 May 2007|04:57am] |
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i feel fulfilled. i live for the moments when that weight is taken off of my stomach and i just seem so light. and it all has to do with the people... when someone can you show you to yourself... or maybe just reaffirm your thoughts. it doesn't have to be a strife. it doesn't have to be a struggle.
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| fragmented life |
[22 Apr 2007|08:54pm] |
I feel like my life has no continuity. Every day is a different episode, and sometimes the writers are asleep. Days like today really throw me for a loop… when stuff feels completely different even from the difference of the day to day. It’s one of those things that you can’t explain, it’s really more of a feeling. But I think the following elements made it sort of surreal:
1. I worked at a different barnes a noble, this one was downtown near rush street, which is a completely different world from lakeview. There’s a higher cost of living and so people have a different way of treating you as a lowly barista.
2. It was sweltering hot today. The café was located on the first floor and windows just blare the light from the streets.
3. Everybody was out… having drinks, enjoying the warmth. In the middle of the intersection surrounded by bars with outside patios, a guy was holding a bible and screaming at the top of his lungs about “the book of life,” against all of the people who were just trying to enjoy themselves. I guess drinking beer and taking pleasure in the day is a sin.
4. I got lost on the way home. The redline trains weren’t going north so I tried to find the browline and I walked around for an hour through neighborhoods that I didn’t even know existed. I felt like I was in another city, another time. I was physically scared. Because the sun set during this hour, I felt as though I had crossed over. Like I was no longer a living entity, but a soul on his journey to hell.
5. I had a hang over.
6. I met a kid from long island who looked and acted just like a young Jeremiah Wade who told me that he was interning with Matt Lauer and Conan O’brien this summer.
7. Everyone, everyTHING made me smile.
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| adult, adulterate |
[21 Apr 2007|01:29am] |
Adult
Adulterate
Make unholy
Poison
Scar
Baggage
Dirt
Sex
Scum
Intentional abuse
Rot
Wrinkle
Waste
Prostitute
Contaminate
Fuck
Grit
Grime
Lime
Fool
Steal
Ruin
Wreck
Intimidate
Murder
Rape
Pillage
Infect
Pass on fucked up ideology
Rob
Masturbate
Reek
Ruffle
Eat
Intoxicate
Toxin
Trap
Imprison
Hate
Destroy
Oppress
Kill
Soulless
Defile
Adulterate
Adult.
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| you will know me... you will know my name |
[14 Apr 2007|04:51am] |
let us pretend for a moment that i'm the only person up in the chicago area. years from now, granted that i become famous, that they say that i was insane. Insane to know. They'll say that I was the one who talked when only the bird were talking. and in the age of technology, i talked to people who were asleep and they heard me talking when they woke up. but they heard only the 4:30 a.m. me. they thought, if they were inclined to think, that i was a genius. that i stayed up at an hour when nobody, except the factory workers and late night sluts, stayed up and thought about things that never seemed possible in the waking world. Right now, they would call me a fool. But what if in the next 30 years i became respected amonst even a small group of people. If i created something special, like a film or a novel, this very entry would be regarded as gold by the intellectual elite. They might publish this in a book one day. A collection of journal entries by Joseph DeFerbrache, or a stage name that I created in the future, the post post enduring artist of the ages. And the history books could be written around my name. I could be the next person that people study in classes. All you need to know is the name... even if i'm not a household name, I could be the name that people drop at parties when they are feeling secure and proud of my work, just because it's respected amongst the high brow community. "Have you heard of Joe DeFerbrache?" they might suggest. And if they're lucky, the person they're talking to will say "Yes! I love him!" and go on talking about me, even after I'm dead. They will say great things and be stimulated to do their own great things. This is my statement of life. Call it egotistical. But at least I acknowledge that it is not my life just now... only what I'm working towards.
pray for me.
joseph deferbrache
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| the more you know |
[07 Apr 2007|01:24am] |
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god only knows what i'd be without you |
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Hanging out in the south loop makes me feel like I’m 18 again. It is, through and through, everything I knew about Chicago before I lived here. I get this anachronistic feeling like I’m visiting Jen and we’re going to see a dumb concert like Mewithoutyou or Murder by Death—not that these bands are bad, but I wouldn’t ever (you couldn’t pay me to) travel two hours to see them now. But the glory of it all was that we took a whole weekend to go see a show and hang out in the city; and of course because we were downtown, we thought we knew what Chicago was—but it’s so much more now!
A lot has changed since I was a Freshman. I was 18 years old when I first lived on my own—what the hell happened in the past three years that has made me feel like I’ve been on my own forever? I don’t even have a clue as to how I changed or where the time went. I started in Muncie, of course… I had this motivated quality about me then, and that’s what got me here. I had a lot of friends from Indiana who I lived to see on breaks or when they came to visit. Even last year I would look forward to Lindsey or Zach coming to visit. Now they are mostly gone or have had babies, and I have a new set of friends. I used to trust people a lot more than I do… sometimes with all of my heart. Now at the end of my Junior year of college, I can’t help but wonder how the hell I changed so fast. Those feelings of youth and naivety, of hope for perfect love, of discovery and stupidity are now so far away, and I’ll never have them back! Instead they have mutated into a more educated understanding of the world—a place where so much less seems possible. But, I can’t say that I’m less happy than I was then. There’s gratification in knowing why you feel a certain way, be it emotional or political. I have a better sense of control and responsibility. I’ve ever changed since last summer, when I was basically a steam engine doing all I could to stay in the city, go after the boys that I wanted, and maintain an internship. I had a lot of fun! But I can no longer have that kind of fun because I’ve grown up too much. I can’t even drink and let loose like I used to.
So I guess, all I know is that it’s taken all of my life to get to this point where I’m beginning to see what the world is really about. Before I could see what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be. Now it is a matter of how I can actually get there. I want to go to grad school, I know that much… but can I afford it? Money doesn’t grow on trees… it grows on parents and universities… and 400 days from now they are both cutting themselves off.
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| 300 minutes until i have to wake up |
[15 Mar 2007|01:31am] |
thetourist5 (1:22:57 AM): THIS
thetourist5 (1:22:58 AM): IS
thetourist5 (1:23:00 AM): SPAR
thetourist5 (1:23:02 AM): TAAAAAAA
ARrMatey16 (1:23:07 AM): lol
ARrMatey16 (1:23:14 AM): our arrows will block out the sun
thetourist5 (1:23:36 AM): then we will fight in el shade:-P
ARrMatey16 (1:24:07 AM): that's pretty bad ass i guess
thetourist5 (1:24:12 AM): yeah that part was sweet
thetourist5 (1:24:23 AM): but one part that wasn't sweet
thetourist5 (1:24:32 AM): was when the queen was all like ask yourself what would a free man do
thetourist5 (1:24:35 AM): LAAAAAME
ARrMatey16 (1:24:57 AM): yeah and then her tits poped out... i thought the movie was way too macho man retarded like that
thetourist5 (1:25:03 AM): yeah
thetourist5 (1:25:10 AM): and she was kinda bony and gross
thetourist5 (1:25:10 AM): .com
thetourist5 (1:25:16 AM): boney
ARrMatey16 (1:25:20 AM): lol. that's not the point
thetourist5 (1:25:25 AM): i know i'm just kidding
ARrMatey16 (1:25:34 AM): hehe goodnight!
thetourist5 (1:25:42 AM): what would a free man do HOW BOUT LOOK AT MY BOOBZ.COM
thetourist5 (1:26:16 AM): ok bed
thetourist5 (1:26:18 AM): i love you bye
ARrMatey16 (1:26:21 AM): OH GOOD TITIESSSSS
thetourist5 (1:26:24 AM): hahahaah
thetourist5 (1:26:26 AM): THIS
thetourist5 (1:26:27 AM): IS
thetourist5 (1:26:33 AM): TITSAAAAA
ARrMatey16 (1:26:37 AM): hahahaha
ARrMatey16 (1:26:40 AM): THIS
ARrMatey16 (1:26:43 AM): IS
ARrMatey16 (1:26:48 AM): CHEESECAKE
thetourist5 (1:26:51 AM): hahahahahaha
thetourist5 (1:26:54 AM): THIS
thetourist5 (1:26:56 AM): IS NOT
thetourist5 (1:27:04 AM): TUNA SALAAAAAADDDDD
ARrMatey16 (1:27:25 AM): hahahaha
ARrMatey16 (1:27:27 AM): THIS
ARrMatey16 (1:27:30 AM): IS
ARrMatey16 (1:27:41 AM): SALT
thetourist5 (1:27:46 AM): hahahahahahaaha
thetourist5 (1:27:48 AM): THIS
thetourist5 (1:27:51 AM): IS
thetourist5 (1:27:55 AM): JACK BRICKHOUSE
ARrMatey16 (1:28:02 AM): THIS
ARrMatey16 (1:28:04 AM): IS
ARrMatey16 (1:28:18 AM): I CAN'T BELIEVE IT"S NOT
ARrMatey16 (1:28:22 AM): BUTTER
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| dream lover (you got the best of me) |
[13 Mar 2007|12:32am] |
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andrew bird- nervous tick motion to the head to the left |
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This weekend was fantas-great! What was different about your run of the mill weekend? THE FUCKIN WEATHER, MAN! On Friday Mickey (Michael) Smith came to town. We walked from my apartment to the Chicago Theater and just talked talked talked. We ate at the Corner Bakery and walked on ice and watched the honkers be honkers (geese, that is) and hung out with his girlie friends from home who were also visiting. So You Think You Can Dance? was doing auditions at the Chicago Theatre and every now and then a crying girl would come out and the camera crew would follow her for fifty paces and I would call them jerks every time. So then they left and I went to Sound Bar for Katie's open bar thing. It was a really classy place--too classy for my tennis shoes apparently because the bouncer was like "sweety, just so you know next time you have to wear dress shoes mmkaaay???" I bit my tongue and didn't call her a bitch because I wanted to the free booze. So we went in, it was lit nicely and they had music and were projecting Aeon Flux on the walls (they do that at Sushi X too, what's with that show?). We drank as much free booze as we could in the hour and a half we had for free and promptly ditched the place after.
pause. Carly just walked in and i don't think I've ever shreeked so loud. It's been three months since i've seen her. <3
So then we drove around and Katie gets beligerant when she's drunk so she was yelling at the cabbie, yelling at the boys getting out of the cab (get the fuck out of the cab!) and I would have HATED her if I didn't know and love her so much. So we went to Lincoln Park For awhile and then they ditched me in boystown so I could walk home (where are we? boys town. Oh, he'll be fine.) Let me tell you that I am not fine in boystown by myself. I considered going to a bar but I didn't think it would be a good idea so I got in a cab and came home and fought with some of Matt's friends who were drinking and then joined them.
Saterday my mom came into town so I ditched work and went were her. It was sooo nice and warm and people were out downtown so we walked and walkeddd and had a really good time! We visited the creepy headless sculptures in grant park, which are pretty erie but great. So then it was Russ's birthday and I went to Wirley Ball to play lazor tag with them and I got to meet Russ's girlfriend and this really awesome guy named Pete who bought us all pool games and Burger King. Sunday I dropped Mickey off at Union Station after we ate at The Big Downtown and I walked right onto the set of the Untouchables with the big shoot out at the end of the movie... it was soooo crazzzy because I had just watched the movie the night before and didn't realize it was filmed right there. Meanwhile Jon got to meet Joseph Gordon-Levitt and I'm pretty sure that I'm jealous... but hey, friends come first and I wouldn't have traded those last three hours with Mickey to meet God. Well, maybe God... not George Clooney, though. This is all really long and not well written at all. I must be tired.
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| don't give up on the dream, don't give up on the wanting |
[28 Feb 2007|02:34am] |
ARrMatey16 (1:59:49 AM): i know my ideal i think... but i'm not sure where to find him
ARrMatey16 (2:01:14 AM): i think my kind of guy doesn't use myspace... and if he does, he doesn't go looking for romance... he's too tied up studying piano or literature... and he wears black rimmed glasses and is cute is an intellectual way/kind of preppy
frodofingers04 (2:01:50 AM): ...well i hope he's not antisocial or socially awkward
ARrMatey16 (2:02:05 AM): no he isn't!
frodofingers04 (2:02:07 AM): because myspace is pretty much part of our age's culture now
ARrMatey16 (2:02:19 AM): ok so he's on myspace but he doesn't LOVE it
ARrMatey16 (2:02:29 AM): he doesn't have much time really
frodofingers04 (2:02:48 AM): lol
frodofingers04 (2:02:49 AM): go on
frodofingers04 (2:02:54 AM): is he writing you love poems?
ARrMatey16 (2:03:05 AM): nope! he doesn't have to
ARrMatey16 (2:03:31 AM): he's not mushy like that... we're just really into each other's brains... and it's... sexy.
ARrMatey16 (2:03:40 AM): because we understand each other, you know?
ARrMatey16 (2:04:09 AM): but at the same time we're not clinggy... we have our own lives... but we know at the end of the day who want to see
ARrMatey16 (2:04:39 AM): it's important to remain indepedent yet together
frodofingers04 (2:05:04 AM): aw
frodofingers04 (2:05:16 AM): i want my guy to do sweet things like that for me. write me love poems i mean
frodofingers04 (2:05:21 AM): or something or the sort
ARrMatey16 (2:05:51 AM): yeah, he can do that occasionally.. but i don't want him to be all over me
ARrMatey16 (2:06:27 AM): that can be saved for our anniversary and my birthday... two years later
frodofingers04 (2:06:57 AM): lol
frodofingers04 (2:07:06 AM): so tell me more about this amazing guy
frodofingers04 (2:07:12 AM): what's his ethnicity?
ARrMatey16 (2:08:01 AM): he's part italian and part irish or french
ARrMatey16 (2:08:36 AM): maybe he's philipeano... i don't know.. it doesn't really matter. he's cute. adorable, even.
ARrMatey16 (2:09:01 AM): he laughs a lot and it KILLS me every time
ARrMatey16 (2:09:13 AM): because the sides of his eyes are squinty
frodofingers04 (2:09:57 AM): haha
ARrMatey16 (2:10:18 AM): he wanted to be bohemian but he couldn't fake it because he was born into an upper middle class family
ARrMatey16 (2:11:03 AM): and they LOVE me... they live on long island and like me to come for the holidays because it's awkward around my family
ARrMatey16 (2:12:53 AM): anything else?
frodofingers04 (2:13:45 AM): i think that covers it
frodofingers04 (2:13:52 AM): just don't be sad if you don't find him too soon
ARrMatey16 (2:14:06 AM): lol... i just said it was my ideal
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